in no way is that your job.: Archive

1 tag

Some people look at porn, I look at this. →

Jan 13th

Jan 12th

1 note

My brain really needed to take a dump

So I was doing word associations, and this was the best segment: razzleberry, glitter, mariah carey, train whistles

Jan 11th

Shit, tumbla, I miss you.

I was just reading some of my old janx and I am pretty funny. You’re welcome. I stopped reading tumblr for a long time because I got anxious because I missed a bunch while I was away somewhere, but now I think I am back, and also I have to go get ready for work now and that makes me want to cry a deep and endless ocean of tears. The sweet sweet tears of unfathomable sadness.

Jan 10th

1 note

Andy: if you want to fight the crank stank
Andy: you gotta walk the sleep plank
Andy: WALK IT.

Nov 15th

“The internet is a vast coagulation of fucktards with a nice sweet outer shell,...”

– Andy

Oct 19th

Sep 26th

1 tag

Sep 6th

1 tag

Sep 6th

2 notes

Sep 6th

61 notes

Hard-Hitting Interviews: Vol. 1

Me: Can we make a show called "Dutch Ovened by an Angel?"
Andy: I hate cats.
Me: Answer the question.

Sep 6th

Aug 30th

3 tags

Aug 23rd

1 tag

Aug 14th

In which I avert crises with my MEMORY ALONE

One time, I tried to be fiscally responsible so I signed up for mint.com. I will occasionally receive “CAUTION - LOW BALANCE IN ACCOUNT _____” e-mails from them, which make me panic until I think, no wait, I already knew I didn’t have any money. Crisis averted.

Aug 14th

Aug 12th

51 notes

1 tag

Andy, pulling an Alex Trebek on donut peaches

Andy: glazed
Andy: what is
Andy: make mine
Andy: ?

Aug 9th

1 tag

Aug 8th

1 tag

“Hey Erin, your boyfriend’s on TV.”

– My mom, RE: Clay Aiken

Aug 8th

Aug 7th

2 tags

I present a text I sent earlier, converted into a...

It feels like death by steamed butthole out here right now assphyxiation

Aug 4th

236 notes

Aug 4th

“People judging me doesn’t affect my life at all, especially if it’s...”

– Mister Milich (Alex)

Aug 4th

1 tag

Idea:

Open a restaurant called Whiner Diner where people can take their whiny dates. Either it’ll be soothing to try to stop the whines, or the wait-staff will be whiny also to make them feel like they fit in.

Jul 29th

2 tags

Jul 23rd

1 tag

Jul 21st

48 notes

2 tags

Jul 19th

1 tag

Jul 19th

1 tag

Jul 19th

Andy: stupidjokes@boyimgay.com?
Andy: thats your email right?
Me: andrewsafaggot@andysgapingbutthole.org
Andy: well at least im not making money off of it

Jul 15th

33 notes

While walking the dogs this morning

Woman walking with her husband: Did you just roll out of bed?
Me (out loud): Oh, ha, did the pajama pants give it away?
Me (in my head): OF COURSE I DID. IT IS 7 O FUCKING CLOCK. DO YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE DRESSED IN CARGO SHORTS AND A T-SHIRT INSTEAD OF PAJAMAS? YOU'RE NOT. JUST FYI. YOU'RE NOT.

Jul 15th